Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize