You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
