Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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