WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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