YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
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