I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
