i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
