Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize