I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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