I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
