so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
