Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
