He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
i think my cat just said my name.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
