you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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