i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
