3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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