I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
