You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
