she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
