In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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