my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
