Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
