Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Your penis caused this!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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