I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
