It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
