You can't special order awesome
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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