i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
