i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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