I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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