He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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