Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize