I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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