Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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