I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
jump out the window naked night went bad
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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