You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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