Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
