There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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