Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
