you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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