your room smells of hookers.
And success
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
