Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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