So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
