Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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