he told me I talked like a deaf person
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
