We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
