Plan B is the new Plan A
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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