Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
