My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I love you.
Bad choice
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
