hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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