if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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