I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
