even my farts smell like vagina
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
