Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
