Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
