i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
organizing the empties. That sober.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
