OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
