i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
