Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
