We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
