So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
