YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
