I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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