my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
