try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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