I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Randomize
