there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
