He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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