when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Randomize
