so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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