Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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