OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
