i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Randomize