So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My balls are so social today.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
