I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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