they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
