this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
