oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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