Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
