i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
