You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
