he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
