Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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