Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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