I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize