My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize