I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
