dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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