3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
