Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
