I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize