fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
