You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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