i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
