You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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