We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
