At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
