yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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