why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize