i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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