am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
