No more Irish car bombs ever.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
