tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
