I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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