I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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