I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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