His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
