So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
