I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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