My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You took a bar mat shot.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize