Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
