i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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