Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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