you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize