Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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