I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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