True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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