he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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