Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
