just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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