Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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