you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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