Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
